“Time goes by quickly when you’re having fun.” Or so they say. I think time goes by too quickly, whether you want it to or not. I have been so busy with my home heath care job, and caring for others that I have lost track of time, my website, and my journaling.

My first post was a dedication to my Grandma. To update you on her health, unfortunately for those who love her so dearly, we have had to say goodbye for now. Her health began taking a turn just before the holidays, and her hospice team predicted that she wouldn’t make it through the New Year. Grandma proved one more time that no one sets a limit on her time. You see we have all been surprised, more than once, on Grandma’s health. She had gotten sick, and we’ve been told to prepare, and then she would bounce back and get better. This time though was not the same.

My husband and I visited Grandma just after Christmas. She was awake, talking, but exhausted. We talked for a while, I played music for her, and held her hand. Then, because she was falling asleep, I told her that we were going to go. “Why?”, she asked. I told her that she looked so tired and that she needed to rest. Grandma sadly then expressed her fear.

Grandma was afraid to close her eyes. When I asked her why, she told me that she was afraid that she wouldn’t wake up. I was so sad to hear this and didn't quite know how to respond. I told her that I loved her and held her hand.

Grandma grew up in harsh circumstances, and was taught fear rather than love. Fear that she wasn’t good enough, fear that she hadn’t done enough, and fear that she wasn’t a good person. More than once I tried to reassure her and tell her what a wonderful job she had done, raising a legacy of strong children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. She would respond and say, “I hope that’s true.” Her last lesson that she would have me learn when asked was, “Learn to breathe.”

Her lesson can be taken literally, as I realize sometimes I breathe like her. Short, shallow breathing. Or, it can have a deeper meaning; Are you stressed? Learn to breathe. Are you anxious, mad, depressed, stuck in a rut? Learn to breathe.

I will miss talking to Grandma and seeking out her advice, but that little nugget of her wisdom will stick with me for a long time. She comes from the strongest of generations. She is the end of an era, but because of her, maybe her legacy will live and be taught to future generations. I love you Grandma. I am so happy that she can run again, and be with those she has missed for so long.